Monday, March 23, 2009


Remember me being on the fence about menopause? Well, I guess I needn't worry about THAT, as the other night's freak out was probably courtesy of teh hormones. Although, I can't blame hormones for Dan's middle-of-the-night "I want to go home" freak out last night. Like I said, it's been a long, tough winter for us.

Thankfully, he found out this morning that he has his job back for the season at least, and I know that will go a long way in easing his anxiety. Dan is a worker to the nth degree, and being unemployed since mid-October has taken a toll on him.

As for me, well, I am working on leaving work at work, and trying to let the insanity roll off of me. I was heartened by a great teen game program on Friday, with 26 kids in attendance, half of them new to the library. Several kids signed up for cards and took out books, and everyone had such a good time that they were begging me to extend the event for another hour. I was greeted by squeals of teenaged-girl delight when I announced that the next event will be a showing of Twilight on our big screen (and Dan, my YA program helper, bless his generous heart, said, "Cool! I really liked that movie!"). I mean, really, how much can I bitch when my 36 year-old heavy metal husband is willing to sit in a roomful of giggling teens just to make my life easier?

And just to show you how heavy metal he (and thus, his child) is, here's a picture of Zoey "giving horns" to the local rock station's parade float a couple of weeks ago at the St Patty's Day Parade that went right past our house.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Not. Going. Well.

Things here are on a downward spiral - which is definitely the wrong direction.

It's 5am and I have been up since 3:30. This is nothing new, really, except rather than it being my normal no-reason-for-it insomnia, I am ruminating about my job. I have been hoping and praying over the last 8 months that things would improve, but it's become increasingly obvious that it's not going to - and it's starting to affect both my mental and physical health. And the worst part is, I'm trapped. I moved my life and my new family here, and I am pretty much the sole financial supporter of this operation. I knew this would be the case going in, but I really and truly did not expect that this job would make me so incredibly miserable. And I don't have any options - I can't "go home," as there is no more work there than there is here, I can't find a job here that will support the rent you have to pay to live here (even with my good salary, we live paycheck-to-paycheck). I simply have to "suck it up"until I find something else, which could takes MONTHS - and I don't know how I am going to do that.

I'm sick over this whole experience.