Thursday, March 19, 2009

Not. Going. Well.

Things here are on a downward spiral - which is definitely the wrong direction.

It's 5am and I have been up since 3:30. This is nothing new, really, except rather than it being my normal no-reason-for-it insomnia, I am ruminating about my job. I have been hoping and praying over the last 8 months that things would improve, but it's become increasingly obvious that it's not going to - and it's starting to affect both my mental and physical health. And the worst part is, I'm trapped. I moved my life and my new family here, and I am pretty much the sole financial supporter of this operation. I knew this would be the case going in, but I really and truly did not expect that this job would make me so incredibly miserable. And I don't have any options - I can't "go home," as there is no more work there than there is here, I can't find a job here that will support the rent you have to pay to live here (even with my good salary, we live paycheck-to-paycheck). I simply have to "suck it up"until I find something else, which could takes MONTHS - and I don't know how I am going to do that.

I'm sick over this whole experience.


Joshua M. Neff said...

Oh, Jessica, I'm really sorry. If you need to vent, you know how to find me.

Megan said...

Stupid rock. Horrible hard place. I'm sorry you're in the middle of them. :(

SUEB0B said...

Man, sorry to hear it. I am going through similar job stress and it isn't fun, even when I just have myself to take care of. I know the insomnia of which you speak. Stomach churning, gasping insomnia.